For our second hypnobirthing class, I am proud to say that we made it on time, with 3 minutes to spare. Go team! The instructor made us do introductions again, so our lesbian jig is up. At first I only said my name, then the instructor coaxed a little more out of me.
“Why don’t you tell us a bit more – is this your first baby, are you going with midwives or an OB, where are you delivering?”
I answered all of those questions and instead of making them wonder, I decided to spill the beans about why I was there with another woman instead of my husband. When I said he was out of the country, there was an audible *sigh* or *oh* from the room, I’m not sure which one. I wonder what their guesses would have been about why he was away? I managed to forget mentioning why we were both wearing red and black plaid flannel shirts. It was an accident, I swear…
Since we were in a chiropractic clinic, it only made sense that the chiropractors would throw us a little spiel about what they do, so three of them came and described their services for pregnant women. One of my husbands co-workers swears by them, she had an easy seven hour first labour and said it all had to do with aligning her pelvis correctly for an easy birth. An appropriate and strategic upsell for their services – I’d do it if I was covered for it, haha.
We watched 2 more hypnobirthing videos which weren’t as impressive as the ones we saw last week, as the filming kind of, er, sucked. It was more like “waiting, waiting, waiting, cut to: BABY.” No real demonstration of hypnobirthing, or how they reacted during the delivery.
Our instructor led us through a 25 minute hypnosis session where we enveloped ourselves in different colours of the rainbow. Note to self: go pee before this all starts. It’s really hard to relax when your bladder is full and baby is using it as a trampoline. We also did a “baby bonding” exercise where everyone around the room took turns reading a few lines from a script directed to baby in utero. Not cool. I can’t even talk to my belly normally because I’ll start crying, now you want me to read these lovey dovey messages and promises to her? Thanks, lady. Obviously, I cried. Because that’s what I do when my body is building a person.
The next week, Dan was in town (yay!) and we had dinner with Shoshana at Jack Astors. About an hour into it, I looked at my phone (rude) and noticed an email from the instructor. Class was cancelled like THREE HOURS AGO because one of her clients was in labour! This is what happens when A) your hypnobirthing instructor is also a doula and B) when you aren’t attached to your smartphone and look at it every four seconds like the rest of the world. Sooo we went shopping instead. 😀
When class #3 got here, we also got presents! Our books finally made it through customs and into our hands. Great timing too, because Shoshana and I were discussing how we weren’t sure how to tie this all in to the birth. Meaning: we’re getting ahead of ourselves in the class and want answers, NOW. 🙂
Everyone asked the instructor how the birth went last week, and her response every time was “it was long, baby was at a funny angle, but she worked hard and delivered well.” It wasn’t until after that someone asked how long “long” was.
“Well the baby was born on Saturday morning at 9:30am.”
My jaw dropped. Our classes are on THURSDAY NIGHTS. I never asked if it was a hypnobirth, but wow. That’s a long time. I don’t know what happens during all that time, but I’m hoping I don’t have to sit in the hospital for days just waiting anxiously. Although I might be able to get past an episode on Candy Crush. Unless I have to wait to unlock quests… nooooo…..
We watched a video about how important it is to bond with baby, hosted by Noah Wyle of ER. I never watched ER so seeing him didn’t affect me much other than the fact that he kind of looks like Keanu Reeves, and I felt like I was being schooled on how to raise my baby by Ted Theodore Logan. He and his wife did something that I’ve never heard of before, but seems to be a good idea. When their son was born, they took days to introduce him to bright lights. They always kept the room dim, and it wasn’t until a couple of weeks after he was born that he went outside during broad daylight. It just made for a calmer transition from the womb to the outside world, and made him a calmer and more relaxed baby.
This class’ hypnosis session was awesome. It was a script meant to “numb” any body part. First she started out with the Rainbow Relaxation technique, and then moved onto “numbing” our right hand with the Glove of Relaxation. With just some simple commands, it actually did feel like my hand was numb, up until the middle of my forearm. She wanted us to touch our cheek and transfer the numbness into our mouths, but I was so excited (as excited as you can get whilst in a trance) about my hand feeling numb, that I didn’t achieve the second part of the goal. Next time, I’ll try not to be so amazed. 🙂 But it was so cool….
Afterwards, the instructor (it just occurred to me that I’ve been calling her “the instructor” this whole time. It’s Beth. Her name is Beth. From now on, she will be Beth.) started talking to us about taking probiotics daily to reduce our chances of a positive result for Group B Strep, and also showed us a diagram to illustrate perineal massage. I’ve heard of it, but never really understood the motions. You pretty much take an oil (like coconut or olive) and use it to massage and stretch your vagina to reduce the risk of tearing during delivery. All of a sudden, Shoshana turns to me and whispers “I will NOT be helping you with that…” and two of the husbands burst out laughing because they overheard her. Har har.
Now I’m supposed to read the book and practice the relaxation techniques every night. I’m pretty sure the book is still in my bag. I’ll get around to it, I promise…